Thursday, May 8, 2008

Catattack !!!

The battle is on again and this time, Ging has devised a strategy that is nothing short of brilliant. With the element of surprise on her side, there is a strong possibility that she just might succeed in ousting me from my throne and wresting control of the moggie household. Not a very comforting thought that... And it is one that has me quivering in my shoes.
Why you may ask, with an indulgent smile at the kitty?

Well, its no secret that Ging entertains fond hopes of graduating from Beta to Alpha position in our moggie household. And despite the many clamp downs she has suffered, hope springs eternal in the feline breast. So some weeks back when she took to joining DSK in the reading of Canfield's ' How To Get From Where You Are To Where You Want To Be" , i took no notice of her new pastime, lightly dismissing it as kitty's need to bond with daddy dearest. What I didn't bank upon was the convoluted workings of the feline mind which slowly but steadily combined her newly acquired knowledge with memories of Jane Fonda's histrionics in Monster In-Law to derive a wicked in-law strategy of her own.

Capitalising on the absence of a resident parent-in-law, Ging decided to step in and give me a dose of the fabled villainous mother-in-law treatment. Within days, all my favoured spots and possessions began to bear marks of Ging's assault- my favorite chair, the fluorescent green ' John Beer' T that I sleep in, my lavender scented blanket, the cupboards with my prized books, my spectacles, hair bands, my multi coloured pencil and even, my side of the bed!!! All at once, nothing was sacrosanct anymore. Anything and everything which vaguely smelt like Mommy was claimed as the spoils of war and mauled to utter uselessness. Attributing the rash of " kitty accidents" to the soaring temperature, I blithely went about with my life, little realising what lay in store for me.

Unsatisfied with the results of her guerrilla warfare, Ging decided to screw her courage to the sticking place and mount attack on mommy herself. All at once, I found kitty underfoot all the time - nagging or protesting in shrill mews, hissing and growling in displeasure or simply staring me down into submission. Her favourite past time was to don a sphinx like expression and gaze unblinkingly into my eyes for several long minutes - a very unsettling experience I assure you. In all probability, Ging figured that she could avoid a bloody coup d'etat by hypnotising me into relinquishing power, but unfortunately, it turned out that kitty had overestimated her powers of non verbal communication. Not that it deterred our little feline monster who now went into overdrive in true monster-in-law style and declared open war.

Realising that depriving me of sleep is a sure fire way of psyching me into defeat, Ging has devoted the past two nights to keeping me awake at all costs. Our tussle commences at midnight with both of us squabbling for bed covers, pillows, space and above all, DSK. DSK was charmed but I was beginning to loose it. Because every time, I thought I had beaten her down, the ever resourceful kitty would bounce back with a fresh tactic packaged as a game - ' Pin Mommy's Toes under the Blanket', 'Sharpen Claws on Mommy's Butt' ' Nip the Wobbling Fat on Mommy's Back', ' Paw Mommy's Hair off her Face', 'Scratch Dead Cells off Mommy's Feet' ..the diabolic cat kept slinging it at me all night long. And the icing on the cake? At about 4:30 am last night, I sought refuge beside DSK's ample form believing that daddy in the middle would force Ging to sheath her claws and clamp her teeth. But, the indomitable spirit was not to be thwarted and was soon snaking her way gently over his feet to dig her razor sharp claws into any which part of my anatomy she could seize!!!.

Now, if that didn't drive the message home, then nothing on earth would. So, right now I am licking my wounds and even as I write this piece, I am thinking hard of a counter offensive to foil kitty's attack tonight. Support from hubby dearest will not be forthcoming as DSk still thinks Ging's savagery in bed is cute. But, as all wise men stuck in an oestrogen cross fire, he refrains from taking sides especially after taking in my blood shot eyes and rather ferocious glare this morning.
* deep sigh*
I think I'll clean out the old kennel now...Because when I am done whipping Ms. Ging's butt tonight, she's going to be in the dog house for a while!!!


Roopa said...

You might be still underestimating Ging :)

I have a nagging feeling that you do enjoy being the tormented ;)

a real fun read -- brought a smile to my day.

Rekz said...

LOlz....normally, I am quite indulgent of Ging which has contributed to her being the monster she is but I draw a line at claws and teeth!!! Esp at night!!!