Saturday, May 24, 2008

This Small Matter of Semantics..

Sometimes, working out of the house sucks!!! Its uncanny how a domestic problem crops up every time I sit down to work with a steaming mug of coffee - sometimes its unannounced guests or a shortage of sorts or perhaps just some forgotten chore which rears its ugly head at the most inopportune moment. Thankfully, life in the big city comes with certain perks and prime amongst these is the dial for anything under the sun option. Be it food, laundry, payments for telephone and credit card bills or groceries and movie tickets, all one needs to expend is a phone call and some sound byte!!! And for things that cannot be rung for ,say like Ging's kibble, well there is always Gamma moggie to fall back on.
So today, it was with much enthusiasm that I decided to get a head start on my weekend chores by ordering in supplies from the grocer round the corner.
" Hello Murugan Stores. Calling from # 20, Arundale Beach Road"
" Madam. ..solingo" [ Tamil for please tell me]
My chirpy smile wanes and the enthusiasm goes down a notch... Just my luck that I got the Tamil speaking delivery boy, who never seems to be able to make sense of my pidgin tamil!!!
" Owner illa? No Tamil..English peshanam"
I enquire hopefully but the silence which follows is deafening!!!...He must have been trying to figure out the safest way to hang up on the crazy cat lady who lives down the road, without invoking her now legendary wrath, and probably thought I would hang up on my own accord if he kept quiet. But the optimist I am, I decided to feign ignorance at his predicament, and give it one last shot. And this time with an extra helping of feminine charm.
" English? Hindi? No Speak?"
And I hit pay dirt. The boy who speaks pidgin English seems more than willing to accommodate me and responded with equal enthusiasm:
" Illa Madam..konjam konjam English speak...little little..u solingo..I give home"
I suspect he was trying to improve his English but what ever was his reason, I had to hand it to the boy for his puppy dog effervescence and interest. Emboldened by the fragile communication link we had established, I proceeded to reel off from my list.
" U write..ok?"
" Madam?"
" 1 Bread, 20 eggs...umm...egg mean motta, ok?"
" Madam?"
I must confess, his madam pronounced with a question mark was beginning to grate on my nerves...What could it possibly mean - yes, no, I didn't get u....What???. Gritting my teeth, I forge ahead...
" tomato 1kg, onion 1kg"
" Tommaaaaattttoooo...approm..err, nexte madam?"
" Onion....err, savala? " [savala = Malayalam for onions]
" Savola...madam?"
" yes, yes..Savala...onions...pyas..."
Hey, this is going better than I thought it would...despite all those questioning madams which I now assume is 'ok' or 'gotcha' in some unknown alien language, we are actually communicating!!!
" Jaggery 1/4 kilo"
*silence* Ok, I get it...this one's flown right over his head but hope springs eternal in the moggie breast and I once again resort to my mother tongue.
" Sharkara?" [Malayalam for Jaggery]
" oooohhhh, Sharkara..seri seri..approm madam?" [ Seri = ok, Approm = next]
" approm, Potato 1 kilo....Tide soap..Phenyl...Pril "
" Madam?"
" Yes, podum...finish...home delivery? Time solingo?"
" 30 minutes madam"
I rang off with a grin which would have given the Cheshire Cat a few moments of self doubt. Congratulating myself on my efforts and resourcefulness, I settled down in front of my laptop awaiting my groceries, which incidentally put in an appearance a good two hours later. Not that it fazed me a bit. I was still beaming widely as I retrieved each item from the shopping bag for storing away. Soap, Floor Cleaner, Eggs, Bread, Tomatoes, Dish Cleaner....err, Saffola brand Vegetable Oil????....And Sugar???
This wasn't even remotely funny. Where were my onions and jaggery?
I tried calling the friendly neighbourhood grocer but just couldn't get through. The delivery boy must have taken the phone off the hook, in the vain hope that the crazy cat lady would give up and make do with what was given to her, rather than undertake a walk to his shop in the scorching heat. But, he sadly underestimated the crazy cat lady who can be quite a demented soul, when on a mission. After umpteen futile calls, I grabbed the offending articles and marched over to the grocer.
" ithu enna...." I demand huffily
" Savola Madam!!!..Sharkara..." *round eyes* He obviously thinks I have lost it!!!
" No, no..Ithu Saffola..I want Savala...Onion!!!....And I want jaggery..."
*blank nervous stare *
I look around me desperately, hoping that a good Samaritan would materialise out of thin air. But no such luck. Suddenly, I spy a sack of onions tucked away inside the shop and hop around gesticulating at it.
" That onion....I want"
Before I can go on a rampage within the shop, the owner appears and commands the boy to bring forth some' Vellom" and lo behold, the jaggery materialises miraculously out of thin air. Well, I presume it was thin air because I was so excited to see the jaggery and onions that I did not bother to check where the loot was stashed.
Clutching my prizes in either hand, I trotted home wondering why every other person I met, outside this state, automatically assumed that my knowledge of Malayalam would help me breeze through conversations in Tamil!!! Seriously, isn't it amazing how the most brilliant of ideas can so easily be rendered redundant by this small matter of semantics???

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

Madame Royale

The kitty is on a mission to secure a tiara for herself!! And no, this ostensibly is not one of her ploys to dethrone me. Unsettled by the moggie skirmishes of the past week and by POPS & PIL's bold, noisy efforts to monopolise me, Ging decided to gird her loins and give the Fathers' a run for their money in vying for my attentions.
The past few days have seen Ging faithfully follow me everywhere with scant respect for privacy, rather like Mary's little lamb. In fact, if I had not closed the bathroom door firmly on her rather surprised face and plaintive mews, she would have cheerfully marched in to keep me company as I performed my daily ablutions!! Seriously, how on earth did Mary survive the devotion of her lamb?? * rolls eyes* *deep sigh*
To assuage Ging's need for some intense female moggie bonding, we decided to curl together on the couch [yes, in the sweltering Chennai heat!!!] and for the want of anything better to do, read up on cats through the ages.
Our choice of reading material stemmed from Ging's discovery of my Maneki Neko - the Japanese Beckoning Cat. The very idea of a Lucky Cat must have appealed greatly to Kitty's vanity because she kept sniffing at Neko, occasionally shooting baleful glances at me which screamed " why black when you could have picked an orange tabby Neko??". Just so that she wouldn't conveniently pass off Neko as a memento in her honour, I decided to enlighten her about the legends of the famous lucky cat.
The kitty was hooked and thirsting for more stories about her ilk!!! From Japan and the legend of the Maneki Neko, we travelled to modern day China where much to our horror and disgust, we discovered that cat meat is a delicacy. Yeouwww!! It of course goes without saying that this discovery immediately escalated China to the top of the moggie household's hate list - its economic progress and growth be damned!!! Our moods grew darker as we unearthed some bizarre medieval myths about cats killing infants by sucking away their breath. To wipe away the shadows, we went back in time to ancient Egypt where cats, as we all know, were deemed sacred. And that was as far as we got. Perhaps Ging wanted to end the facts gathering mission on a positive note or perhaps, she was already picturing herself as a blue blooded royal receiving homage from the lesser moggies.
For, while we were in Egypt, little miss Ging put forth an impassioned plea for her own little tiara and boy, were her arguments convincing. She pointed out that ever since she adopted us 7 months ago, our roller coaster life took an uphill turn - both DSK and I did wonderfully at work, managed to get some minor irritants from his family out of our hair for good, mended a few broken relationships and were generally at peace with the world around us. And this followed a year which was not too great either professionally nor personally. What did she ask for in return? A wee little tiara in paste!!!....
Hmmm...Its kind of hard to say no when Ging turns all misty eyed and wears her sad lost waif expression. And I capitulate, just as she knows I will. But not in the way she expected.
" Tell you what Ging, let's start you out as the princess royal of the household and if you behave as it befits a princess, we shall see about the tiara"
A title with a tiara in the offing....This is better than what she had hoped for. Ging can barely conceal the look of smug satisfaction creeping across her face. And neither can I. A few carefully whispered words to the Fathers' is all it will take to derail Ging's grandiose ambitions..With Madame Royale struggling to maintain a regal demeanour in the face of extreme provocation, the moggie household sure is in for some fun times!!!
*smug grin* Isn't mommy terrible???

Sunday, May 18, 2008


" Why is Ging sulking under the bed???..She seemed normal enough sometime back"
Dsk's beetle brows are knitted together and his normally placid face wears an expression of absolute bafflement as he ponders on the mystery of yet another kitty sulk. I peek under the bed and am accosted by a pair of round fiery eyes, spitting sparks at me. Oh yes, the kitty is huffy indeed. And the cause for her ire are a pair of insolent ravens who have taken to dropping in on the moggie household just in time for breakfast every morning.
Initially, the two-some would chatter away to themselves as they waited patiently on the backyard wall,under the watchful eyes of Don C until they were fed. An action which Ging stomached with much reluctance and some protest. I suppose the kitty didn't grumble over much because the ravens were content at merely filling their bellies and didn't seem to entertain any aspirations to 'Moggiehood.
After suffering their very vocal opinions and nagging for a few days, DSK and I decided that the ravens simply had to be our dear departed fathers who had come from the other world to watch over us.They were duly christened as Pops & PIL [ Acronym for Pa In Law]. Strangely enough, both Pops and PIL took to their new names and fell to their self assumed parental responsibilities with great zest, often stepping on Ging's dainty paws.
Once POPs & PIL got over the novelty of warm bread and milk mashes, they began cadging for other treats. And how? The smart birdies, much to Ging's dismay and Don C's discomfiture, allied themselves with me and soon had their beaks entrenched in every little activity in our backyard.

The three of us would hold protracted conversations about the weather, the day's menus and of course the snoopy Don C, who could nothing more than glare malevolently at us.They screamed rude abuse at Don C as he napped above the kitchen ledge,for which they earned golden egg yolks in their mush which they greedily squished and gulped as they noisily contemplated how to further annoy the mean white cat with the ugly yellow eyes.When Don C was not around for them to pick on, POPs & PIL nagged the maid into cleaning every inch of the courtyard until it was squeaky clean. Occasionally, much to Ging's glee, they would loudly chide me when their breakfast was late or if they felt shortchanged because our breakfast smelt better than theirs.
All at once, mornings in the moggie household became boisterous, hyperactive and interesting.And this was proving to be one such morning - with the fathers at their raucous best and Ging under the bed in one of her famous sulks.

" Well, its Pops and PIL" I explained "I guess they missed me all of last week because today they flew down to the kitchen window for a rather noisy conversation while I was cooking breakfast....Ging has been sulking ever since"
" The fathers were at our kitchen window??? That's a first, isn't it? "

Dsk looked mildly surprised and the beginnings of a smile play at the corners of his lips, as his agile mind pieced together the huffy kitty puzzle. I wink at Dsk conspiratorially.
" Yes it is....They were perched outside the kitchen window aaarrcking and cawing at me when Ging strolled in and had a meltdown of sorts.....She probably thinks they are making secret plans to kidnap me or move in with us or at the very least make a birdie of me!!!"
Dsk and I are openly laughing now at our adorably possessive Beta kitty....

" You really are in her bad books...better make up with her or else, you know she will get back at you one way or the other"
Oh yes, I better work my way out of the dog house....Which means I need to crawl under the bed to fuss over kitty and reassure her about her unassailable Beta moggie status....Hmmm...maybe, just maybe, we might be able to effect an armistice that keeps Don C and the Fathers out in the courtyard!!
*Wink* *Wink* *Wink*

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

In Mommy's Shoes

*When do you get back home?* growls the angry hubby over the phone
I raise a rather overgrown, misshapen brow quizzically. Strange are the ways of the underlings!!!
I have been travelling on work and, much to my dismay, was slated to spend this whole week away from home. My absence presented the three moggieteers - Dsk, Ging & Don C- the opportunity to run riot and break all the sacred commandments of the moggie household. But I have barely been away for 2 days and much to my surprise, Dsk is bristling.
*Err, Saturday...*
" Saturday???...That's 2 days away...." His grumpy voice trails away into forlorn silence...And then, suddenly perks up with hope...
"What about your friend Rupa? Isn't she here only till the weekend? How will you meet her if you are back only on Saturday"
" Oh, I spoke to her last night.She's in town till the 29th, so I can catch up with her and baby Tia next week"
" Oh"
Now, that is an Oh which spoke volumes. Obviously Dsk had something on his mind and was silently pleading with me to wheedle it out of him. Bursting with curiosity, I assume the role of the solicitous wife.
" What's wrong?"
" Nothing much..Just that things are a little crazy at work..I had to come into work early as a Korean auditor was coming in for an audit...He just left..."
Now that's no big deal for hubby dearest. I mean Koreans, irate customers, difficult conference calls, audits, material shortages, truculent workers, work pressure are all a part of Dsk's daily life and are handled by him with aplomb. I had a sneaky feeling that the cause of his ire rested at home. And I was right.
"How is Ging?"
" Ging has gone mad!!!...Yesterday night, She slept till about 11 and after that, refused to let me sleep...She prowled all over the bed like a little tigress, mewing in my ears at regular intervals and when I tried sleping through the din, she scratched and bit me...Do you know, I haven't slept a wink last night and am so tired"
Aha, so now we come to crux of the matter....It would seem that Ging was indeed making the most of my absence. But instead of using this heaven sent opportunity to install Don C as a permanent fixture about the moggie household, her focus was on walking in my Alpha shoes.
And the only victim over whom kitty could exercise her new found power was poor Dsk ,who until now had prided himself on being Ging's favourite parent. Quite naturally, the doting dad was aggrieved by the daughter's betrayal and was, much to my amusement, looking for an ally albeit a long distance one. I am quite sure that if Ging got her paws on a phone, I would be subject to a most vociferous litany of complaints against Daddy now-not-so dearest. And I confess, the situation in the moggie household brought a smile to my lips and a spring to my step.
* Evil Toothy Grin*
For a change, Dsk and Ging were ranged on opposite sides while I was the good moggie.
And just as I was making a mental note to travel more often, the outraged Gamma continued with his outburst " At about 4:30, I put her outside the bedroom but then Don C joined her and both of them were warbling and yowling at me for what was left of the night...I am so so tired...I had to leave home at 7:25..And you know what, when I was leaving home this morning, Ging was sprawled on the sofa in deep sleep...I don't think she even realised that I had left for work"
Now, that's what I call insult over injury....No wonder, DSK is so hyper this morning.
" She must have wanted your attention...I mean she is not used to being alone the whole day..Perhaps if you had played with her earlier in the evening, she might have calmed down at night"
" Didn't you hear what I said? Last night, I sat around staring at this girl snoring away from 8-11 p.m..What do I do if she prefers sleeping to playing? I cannot give her attention on demand...I tell you she has gone mad...And don't tell me that she was sitting at home moping all day know as well as I do that all Ging does during the day is snooze"
Well, he does have a point there.
" Today, I have decided that I will put her out of the bedroom, lock the door and sleep"
" Err, I think that will make her worse....She and Don C will probably yodel all night long outside the bedroom and you will have an irate bunch of neighbours banging at our door the next morning"
" well, something has to be done...I need to sleep..."
" Why don't you try playing with her as soon as you come in, before she gets a chance to snooze...Maybe then, she will be calmer by the time you hit the sack. And if she still tries to sleep, then I suggest that you shake her awake"
" And what if she still scratches me at night???"
" Then smack her hard on her rump so that she knows you mean business..she will probably quieten down or sulk under the bed..Ging is just pushing you around because she knows she can...You need to be firm with her when she is difficult"
" hmmm"
" And the next time you feel like telling me to let her be, I'll remind you about this conversation of ours"
Silence reigns supreme!!! OK, That is a hit below the belt but I just couldn't resist it. Dsk had it coming for sometime now.
* Another Evil Toothy Grin*
The voices in my head tell me that I will be coming home to a rousing moggie reception this Saturday...

Monday, May 12, 2008


Sunday, 6 a.m.
My eyes lazily flutter as the first rays of the sun filter into our bedroom... Its a new day & the voices in my head resume their verbal duelling all over again.. .
* wakey wakey lazy bumm...u need to get breakfast going...remember?*
That's the voice of my conscience, ever ready to dole out unwanted advice and prod me into action. But my baser instincts rebel...
* Nooo...DSK can fix himself a bowl of cereal for once...God knows he has enough packs of those lying around*
* What? That's not fair..just becos he doesn't complain does not mean that you can take him for granted...Wake Up...He's going to be up in a bit...So, get cracking...Make him something nice to eat..husbands like it when their wives fix them good breakfasts and see them off to work*
Ok, now why does my conscience's voice sound suspiciously like my mother??
I struggle to open my eyes and make a feeble, half-hearted attempt to shake away the dense fog that has encased my brains. But, realisation strikes in the nick of time! Its Sunday - the day of rest!!!...Yippppeee...Dsk can afford to wait a bit for his breakfast today...And with that, the voice of conscience is gagged and muffled as I snuggle back under my warm blankets to snooze some more.
Just as I am drifting off into the land of nod, I hear a loud scary thump and an even scarier mmmiaorrrwww which set my heart racing at a frenetic if a dozen tribal drums were simultaneously being thumped at super sonic speed. I open my eyes in trepidation, half expecting to find the evil snake-beastie from my nightmares, hovering over my jugular with its poisonous fangs bared. And who do I see there instead? The heathen kitty Ging, her great black eyes twinkling with un-repressed mirth and sporting a goofy grin..Her face is a study in unholy glee....She can barely stand still with the excitement of having scared the living daylights out of me!!!
My supposedly expressive face must have betrayed my intentions. Because as I struggled to get over the shock and compose my thoughts [just so I could give her a very large piece of my mind], Ging went into damage control mode. Arranging her face into her irresistibly adorable " Oh, the cute canary can safely tango in my mouth' expression which is a sure fire way of containing my ire. She then frantically starts licking me all over, her beady eyes darting all over my supine form in search of bare 'lickable' skin. The grooming which lasted for all of 5 minutes came to an end when she quickly dove between my feet and huddled down with firmly shut eyes, leaving me quite bereft of words.
As much as I hate to admit it, I was outwitted. There was nothing much I could do other than laugh at Ging's antics and go back to sleep. As I snuggled in enjoying the warmth of the rumbling bundle on my feet, the cheeky voice in my head chirps " You should have listened to me..oh well, sometimes its fun to be to be taken for a moggie ride, isn't it?"
Yes indeed, it is...

Saturday, May 10, 2008

Don Corleone

While the rest of the world has bad hair days, I just have ghastly 'maid' days!!!
The past week stretched my nerves to a frazzle. First our maid, Shanti, embarks on a socialising spree and vanishes for a week without any prior intimation. This and a chaotic week at work which was further aggravated by sleep deprivation from the kitty rebellion ensured that stress levels were at an all time high.
But, the worst was yet to come. Things came to a head yesterday when our drain pipes clogged and thanks to a remorseful Shanti's over energetic efforts, the stinky stagnant water backed up and flooded the backyard. We did manage to have it cleared and de-clogged last night but even after a good night's rest, I was just a step away from one of my famous meltdowns. And it was at this opportune moment that Ging and DSK decided to give me a gentle shove over the edge.

" Bebs, I think Ging has a boyfriend. She bit me awake at 5 am and I found myself face to face with that huge black and white cat.."
* furrowed forehead*
"Wait a minute...which black and white cat???"
* Is he kidding me??* I know its rude to interrupt but hey, another cat in our bedroom at 5 am is not something alpha moggie discusses calmly across the breakfast table on a Saturday morning!!!
" Yeah, you know that white one with black ears and tail who sits on our back wall"
" That loafer!!!...He came in??? And Ging didn't chase him away???..I don't believe this..What was he doing in the bedroom??"
* Voice goes up several notches, fast approaching annoying shrillness* *B.P. soars* I look around for the recalcitrant kitty, but she is nowhere to be seen.
" well, he was shouting at me with a pleading expression as if to say please let me also in"
" Let him in???...That dumb local mafioso..No way!!!....he's a regular Don Corleone without the charms of either Marlon Brando or Al Pacino!!!..What on earth is wrong with Ging?..."
Visions of mob moll Ging, replete in bling, dark glasses and a blond wig, float before my eyes...
Those of you who think I am overreacting or being the paranoid mommy, let me tell you, Don C is fat, mean and has the scariest yellow eyes I have ever seen on a cat. Plus he is rude!!!...Believe you me people, he is definitely not one of those cute cuddly kitties a girl should be bringing home to meet her parents.
But apparently, Ging and Don C have done a good job of brainwashing Dsk.
" Bebs, the mafia in Sicily were not considered as criminals but were considered protectors and men of honour...people looked up to them"
" Well, that was in Sicily - a lawless land by any standards...No wonder they lost the world war...Our Don Corleone is no cat of honour...I mean, I see him every day glowering at me from our backyard wall or hurling kitty abuses at me from above my kitchen ledge!!!...I tell you, he has his paw in every nefarious kitty activity in this neighbourhood....And worse, he actually steals Ging's kibble..I mean what kind of a cat would do that to his lady love?"
" Besides, just think of their babies...he is a wanna be 'Van' and she is a tabby...their kids probably will be a riot of colours and horrendous if they have his mean looks'...
" Ging can take care of herself and besides, I don't think she has given us much of a choice...she likes him..period.. we just have to live with it as long as it lasts"
From the corner of my eye, I spy Ging sneaking in and a smug Don C at his post on our wall.
* scowl* " Don C is not coming in here...And that is that"
" But he already does...he is in the house every time you turn your back....just because u don't see him, doesn't mean that he is not live with it, bebs"
With that the doting daddy burrows back into the newspaper signalling the end of the conversation. With Ging and dsk ranged on one side, clearly all my efforts to keep Don C out are going to be futile.
Seriously, what is it with these fathers and their daughters?
I clatter and bang the breakfast dishes as I clear the table...Just so that they know I am mad, but neither moggie bats an eyelid.
Perhaps, I should adopt Don C & give them a taste of their own medicine!!!

Friday, May 9, 2008

The Empire Strikes Back!!!

Hell hath no fury like a Mommy angered!!! ...
...Was what Ging discovered late last night when she launched her nocturnal offensive.

Unfortunately for her, the onslaught proved to be a mere flash in the pan as a well primed mommy struck back with unimagined ferociousness. The ensuing skirmish which pitted kitty claws and teeth against human talons, fangs and almost 100 kgs of solid lard, ended with kitty getting her butt whipped to kingdom come.

Efforts to garner support from the gamma moggie a.k.a DSK proved to be futile as daddy, having indulged in one too many cocktails at an office do, was in a 'make love, not war' mood. Despite the best of Ging's wheedling and coaxing, DSK just refused to rise to the occasion with his ' tut tut let the poor kitty be' slogans, leaving Madam Ging with no alternative but to retreat into kitty sulks under our bed for the rest of the night.

It would seem that her night of solitude was well spent in deliberation because at day break, the truculent rebel emerged hopefully with her terms of peace which was promptly consigned to the garbage by a mommy drunk on power.

Game, Set & Match to Mommy!!!

Thursday, May 8, 2008

Catattack !!!

The battle is on again and this time, Ging has devised a strategy that is nothing short of brilliant. With the element of surprise on her side, there is a strong possibility that she just might succeed in ousting me from my throne and wresting control of the moggie household. Not a very comforting thought that... And it is one that has me quivering in my shoes.
Why you may ask, with an indulgent smile at the kitty?

Well, its no secret that Ging entertains fond hopes of graduating from Beta to Alpha position in our moggie household. And despite the many clamp downs she has suffered, hope springs eternal in the feline breast. So some weeks back when she took to joining DSK in the reading of Canfield's ' How To Get From Where You Are To Where You Want To Be" , i took no notice of her new pastime, lightly dismissing it as kitty's need to bond with daddy dearest. What I didn't bank upon was the convoluted workings of the feline mind which slowly but steadily combined her newly acquired knowledge with memories of Jane Fonda's histrionics in Monster In-Law to derive a wicked in-law strategy of her own.

Capitalising on the absence of a resident parent-in-law, Ging decided to step in and give me a dose of the fabled villainous mother-in-law treatment. Within days, all my favoured spots and possessions began to bear marks of Ging's assault- my favorite chair, the fluorescent green ' John Beer' T that I sleep in, my lavender scented blanket, the cupboards with my prized books, my spectacles, hair bands, my multi coloured pencil and even, my side of the bed!!! All at once, nothing was sacrosanct anymore. Anything and everything which vaguely smelt like Mommy was claimed as the spoils of war and mauled to utter uselessness. Attributing the rash of " kitty accidents" to the soaring temperature, I blithely went about with my life, little realising what lay in store for me.

Unsatisfied with the results of her guerrilla warfare, Ging decided to screw her courage to the sticking place and mount attack on mommy herself. All at once, I found kitty underfoot all the time - nagging or protesting in shrill mews, hissing and growling in displeasure or simply staring me down into submission. Her favourite past time was to don a sphinx like expression and gaze unblinkingly into my eyes for several long minutes - a very unsettling experience I assure you. In all probability, Ging figured that she could avoid a bloody coup d'etat by hypnotising me into relinquishing power, but unfortunately, it turned out that kitty had overestimated her powers of non verbal communication. Not that it deterred our little feline monster who now went into overdrive in true monster-in-law style and declared open war.

Realising that depriving me of sleep is a sure fire way of psyching me into defeat, Ging has devoted the past two nights to keeping me awake at all costs. Our tussle commences at midnight with both of us squabbling for bed covers, pillows, space and above all, DSK. DSK was charmed but I was beginning to loose it. Because every time, I thought I had beaten her down, the ever resourceful kitty would bounce back with a fresh tactic packaged as a game - ' Pin Mommy's Toes under the Blanket', 'Sharpen Claws on Mommy's Butt' ' Nip the Wobbling Fat on Mommy's Back', ' Paw Mommy's Hair off her Face', 'Scratch Dead Cells off Mommy's Feet' ..the diabolic cat kept slinging it at me all night long. And the icing on the cake? At about 4:30 am last night, I sought refuge beside DSK's ample form believing that daddy in the middle would force Ging to sheath her claws and clamp her teeth. But, the indomitable spirit was not to be thwarted and was soon snaking her way gently over his feet to dig her razor sharp claws into any which part of my anatomy she could seize!!!.

Now, if that didn't drive the message home, then nothing on earth would. So, right now I am licking my wounds and even as I write this piece, I am thinking hard of a counter offensive to foil kitty's attack tonight. Support from hubby dearest will not be forthcoming as DSk still thinks Ging's savagery in bed is cute. But, as all wise men stuck in an oestrogen cross fire, he refrains from taking sides especially after taking in my blood shot eyes and rather ferocious glare this morning.
* deep sigh*
I think I'll clean out the old kennel now...Because when I am done whipping Ms. Ging's butt tonight, she's going to be in the dog house for a while!!!

Monday, May 5, 2008

Cat Mommy's Prayer

Our Father, who art in heaven
Hallowed be thy Name,
Thy kingdom come,
Thy will be done, in our humble home..

Give me patience and strength to see this day through,
And forgive me my trespasses against my husband & cat,
As I forgive their trespasses against me.
And, please please lead me not into the temptation of throttling either,
but deliver me from evil.

For thine is the kingdom,
And the power, and the glory,
for ever and ever.

PS: 24 hrs later, Devidas shows no signs of flagging....AAARRRRGGGHHH.....Someone give me a Prozac!!!

Sunday, May 4, 2008


Ging has been rather under weather today. Why? Well, for starters the two other moggies were out late Saturday night, leaving her alone at home to hold fort. And to make matters worse, early this morning, DSK left for coimbatore with, horror of horrors, a packed bag. This to our little kitty only means one thing: Dad's not going to be home for a few days, a major catastrophe comparable only with starvation or abandonment.
Now, when I travel, kitty doesn't even bat an eyelid, let alone mew in protest. The best I can elicit out of her is a ' DND: Cat Napping..Please let yourself out quietly' look. But when dsk travels, Ging magically metamorphoses into a little demon. It is almost as it the temperamental kitty watches SRK at his destructive best in Devdas to cope with her separation pangs and then meticulously lays the most diabolic plans to shatter the peace and quiet of my days!!! Needless to say, the moggie household is a high stress zone when DSK travels.
As was expected, Ging's behaviour in the wake of DSK's departure converted my normally relaxed Sunday into a highly stressful one. First, there were endless painful games of catch mommy's toes under the cover, which rudely ended all my dreams of a sleep-in.Then, I had to contend with a sulky kitty for the greater part of the day, who kept mooching about and directing violent glares at if I had been instrumental in driving her darling dad away. Unfortunately, as DSK and I did have a scrap last night, I couldn't really fault her for those glares. But hey, in my defense, doesn't the silly cat [and the rest of the world] ever realise that it takes two hands to clap???
Siesta time saw Ging turn into a foul tempered little tigress who stalked me across the length of the bed biting any part of my anatomy that she could dig her fangs into. However, with the setting sun came fresh hope. Ever the optimist, Ms. Devi-das spent a few hours on the gate, and then patrolled the street in the vain hope that her dad would change his mind mid-way and come back home..A dream that fizzled out and brought forth a fresh round of 'mom' attacks!!!
At the moment, Ms. Devidas has captured the bedroom which has the air conditioner on and probably awaits my arrival to launch fresh attacks...Gosh, life as a cat mommy does suck sometimes!!!

Friday, May 2, 2008

In Pursuit of Cool!!

Ok, I have been slacking this past week!!! Not just with my blog, but in all walks of life.
Friends have been wondering if life in the moggie household has come to standstill. Well, it hasn't. But it most definitely has been a lot more lethargic with the onset of summer. Despite having spent most of my growing years in the scorching deserts of the middle east, it still is rather difficult for me to function at full steam when the legendary Chennai heat peaks.
I had often wondered why the more traditional brahmin community lunched at 10 a.m. But after two years in Chennai, I realise that this is a rather sensible lifestyle which is sadly on the wane due to the demands of our modern lifestyle. My take is that an early lunch ensured that all cooking was done with in the wee hours of the morning and that the women were not slaving away in hot stuffy kitchens in the heat of the day. Taking a leaf out of their books, I have been staying out of the kitchen during the day and devoting myself to the search of newer ways of cooling off....frequent showers [ water problems be damned] and squabbles with Ging to corner the coolest spots in the house are the order of the day. I have, even in a moment of heat driven insanity, chopped off my shoulder length tresses, painfully grown over the past 8 months!!!
While I have been occupied in the pursuit of coolness, Ging's recipe to beat the heat has been to nap the day and most of the night away. The only time she deigns to bestir herself is at my meal times, just so that she can inspect the contents of my plate. Sometimes, I wonder why she bothers because she really doesn't want to even sample any of it. For some weird reasons, inhaling what mommy eats seems to send her on some inexplicable high.
Well whatever...Suits me fine because sleeping kitty= less activity = cooler house !!!