Thursday, December 25, 2008

A Christmas Offering

Yesterday, Santa left me a wonderful Christmas present in my stocking.
A diary from my youth, which I believed had succumbed to the ravages of time.
I spent most of the night reading the thoughts as I traversed the rocky path from adolescence to adulthood. At times, I smiled at the innocence of the child I was. And at other times, my wisdom awed me. But when I had turned the last page, there only remained a sense of amazement....Even after 15 years, there were very many beliefs which remained unchanged.
And in the true Christmas spirit of giving and sharing, I offer my world as a gift, a few glimpses of my journey:
November 1989
Someday I'll find someone who will love me to distraction, cherish me and pamper me. Someone who will share my burdens with me and help me laugh through my troubles. I know I will find this special person because if I exist with all my flaws, there must be a match made for me endowed with vast reserves of love to lavish on me. Someday I will find my second half

May 1990
I loved "My Left Foot" which is about Christy Brown - a victim of cerebral palsy who actually typed out a whole book with the toe of his left foot. Amazing!!!. Maybe someday I will too write a book. And the book will become famous. What I loved about Brown was his perseverance and the God Awful tantrums he threw. Well, I may not have the patience or the genius to write a book in this lifetime, but I can most definitely put into effect the latter
December 1990
The one thing people around me must understand is that there are facets of my personality they cannot touch or satiate. I need my space. And I need to be free.

February 1991
I wonder if my diaries will ever be found years later..Something like Anne Frank's Diary. Wow!! What a Thought!! I better watch my language & handwriting.
August 1991
A little love goes a long long way in raising the spirits of those less fortunate than ourselves...

March 1992
The best part of having a brain and a heart is that one is endowed with the ability to glean a few precious nuggets from life and store them away as lovely memories. Such cherished memories are so important for our survival - when the going is tough, just the thought of lovely moments from the past makes me feel that life is worth living.

January 1993
The most difficult thing on earth is to find people who can accept you for what you are - every fibre of your being and every shred of your soul for what it is.

June 1994
Ten percent of the time, even your best friend may hurt you by saying something utterly thoughtless
July 1994
I think the most difficult thing for human beings is unconditional love. There are always so many strings attached - parental, filial, sibling,lover. People want relationships as if it is some kind of a contract....As if it needs to fit a preset mould.

November 1995
There is a world of difference between wanting to do something and having to do something. The latter is almost like being black mailed!!!

January 1996
Love is a double edged sword. At times, it wraps you in a warm, secure cocoon. And then there are times, when no matter how bad you feel, you have to take into consideration the feelings of the other person and sometimes, even swallow your pride.
December 1996
Isn't it amazing just how we never stop wanting? It is like when we get something we want very badly, we find something else to wish for earnestly.

August 1997
Sometimes I wonder if this emotion called love is a creation we force on ourselves. Are we more in love with love than with a person? I think sometimes love becomes a habit over time.
December 1997
Why is everyone so afraid of death? Is it because they are afraid of the unknown? And are unwilling to let go of what is known and defined for what is unknown? Or is it the fear of pain before one begins his journey into the unknown?

April 1998
People are fools seeking pots of gold at the ends of rainbows. And when they fail, they need to blame someone. God is such a convenient scapegoat. Once upon a time, I too believed in a God. Because it was convenient to ask Him the all important question - why?

August 1999
When you are at the nadir, the easiest solutions to your problems may not always be the best.

May 2000
Brooding never helps. All you want to do is sit in the dark..sheltered from the prying eyes of the world and lick your wounds. But then, one sunny morning, when you venture out into the world after your self imposed confinement, you are often at a loss as to what to do... Because Life has raced on ahead while you were away.

January 2001
Loneliness can be such a scary state to be in. It kills all feeling in you. Makes you wither away - not being able to feel the world around you or appreciate the lovely things that you stumble across in your day-to-day-life. You just get through your days without feeling, not caring if it is a Monday or a Saturday.

August 2002
How many of us put out 75% for a meagre 25%? or are such instances only exclusive to fools?

May 2003
Complete independence can be such a heavy burden to carry. Having to look out for yourself. Knowing that if you do not, then nobody else will.

December 2008
Unconditional Love exists! The Second Half Exists! Life Is Indeed Beautiful...
Merry Christmas!!!

4 comments:

Roopa said...

These vignettes are so exceedingly precious, thank you for sharing them with us. So, you have always been a wise girl :). And Merry Christmas!!

Ganga Dhanesh said...

a dip into the past often surprises us with the wisdom of our younger selves, eh? Wish you a rollicking Christmas with the love you have found!

RaFeeQ said...

kolllaam.. thanks for sharing.. :-)

Merry Christmas chechi

Miaow!!! said...

:) :)
Glad you all enjoyed them...
And yes Ganga, the greatest surprise was for me to discover that some of these thoughts remained just the same....
Just that I now know, if you beleive hard enough and with a true heart, a lot of our thoughts do come true..
:)