Friday, July 4, 2008

Remembering Erma

Ok, this is not one of my conventional posts which ramble about Ging's antics or rather her feuds with me or about her blind adoration of her daddy dearest. For one good reason. I have been away from home for close to two weeks now and have had nothing much to write about other than rather mundane gossip from work. So, over the past couple of weeks, I have been reading a lot of Erma Bombeck, an American humorist whose column about suburban home life sky-rocketed her to literary stardom in the second half of the 20th century. And I have loved every page of all her books I picked up. So much so that I have put together some of my favourite Bombeck witticisms....which find a special place in my heart not only because of the wit factor, but also because it can't get truer that that...

" A child develops individuality long before he develops taste. I have seen my kid straggle into the kitchen in the morning with the outfits that need only one accessory: an empty gin bottle."...Err, I agree....not because Ging waltzes in sporting fishnet stockings...She just sports Don C, who invokes bleary visions of empty gin, whiskey & cheap rum bottles by the dozen!!!....

"Before you try to keep up with the Joneses, be sure they're not trying to keep up with you"...So true!!! I grew up watching dad and my uncle vying with each other for the silliest of things like whose house is taller, whose dog is most ferocious, who had the newer car, and...whose drunken antics were dumber!!!. Their feuds were a source of endless entertainment for us though I now wonder how my mom and aunt survived them!!!

"God created man, but I could do better" ...And probably with leftovers rather than a rib reluctantly parted with!!!

" Housework, if you do it right, will kill you. " ....Don't you love this lady???

" I haven't trusted polls since I read that 62% of women had affairs during their lunch hour. I've never met a woman in my life who would give up lunch for sex. " ...This totally cracked me up. I would never give up food for a man and would love to meet a blighted soul who did and actually thought it was worth it!

" I've exercised with women so thin that buzzards followed them to their cars. " ...Isn't it funny how they materialise out of the woodwork, dime a dozen, when we have one of our 'pudgy' days??

"It takes a lot of courage to show your dreams to someone else"

" There are people who put their dreams in a little box and say, "Yes, I've got dreams, of course I've got dreams." Then they put the box away and bring it out once in awhile to look in it, and yep, they're still there." ..One of life's tragedies is that there are so many people who do this!!!

" Never accept a drink from a urologist. " * Big Toothy Grin* ....How much more wicked can she get?

" People shop for a bathing suit with more care than they do a husband or wife. The rules are the same. Look for something you'll feel comfortable wearing. Allow for room to grow. "...Oh,so true!!! I often wonder if people who choose their spouses for their looks, wealth, etc eventually end up regretting their choices....

" Some say our national pastime is baseball. Not me. It's gossip. " - Amen to that!!! * Big toothy smile*
" What's with you men? Would hair stop growing on your chest if you asked directions somewhere? " ....he he he.....I loved that shot!!!

"I am not a glutton - I am an explorer of food”...Erma, if only I could hug you for this one!!!...People laugh at me when I say that I am a sacrificial lamb at the alter of gastronomical delights... but seriously, what would they do without my expert guidance in the matters of good taste???

“Once you get a spice in your home, you have it forever. Women never throw out spices. The Egyptians were buried with their spices. I know which one I'm taking with me when I go.”....Oooooh yes, Ginger is my pick, if Jalapenos don't qualify as a spice!!! And no, this has nothing to do with the cat, Gingerbread..

"The art of never making a mistake is crucial to motherhood. To be effective and to gain the respect she needs to function, a other must have her children believe she has never engaged in sex, never made a bad decision, never caused her own mother a moment's anxiety, and was never a child.”....I leave it to the mothers out there to give their opinions on this one...

" There is nothing more miserable in the world than to arrive in paradise and look like your passport photo." ...Actually, I wouldn't mind too much because I don't photograph very well and my passport has a rather flattering picture of me..But I have seen some horrendous pictures in people's passports...

And the clincher, " I never leaf through a copy of National Geographic without realizing how lucky we are to live in a society where it is traditional to wear clothes"

Is there anyone out there who can dispute this one???


Roopa said...

I absolutely adore Erma Bombeck too. There is nobody else who so thoroughly understood women and still had a sense of humor!!

Rekz said...

:) :)
Roopa, my post has most definitely fulfilled its destiny!!!
:P :P