Saturday, April 25, 2009

There's No Fighting The Shoe Goddess


"Let's go shopping" purred, a dear friend of mine "I need new shoes. And, there are SO many sales about town!!"

Unholy glee, crackled through the lines, and, hit me with the force of a giant tidal wave.
I rolled my eyes, in despair, as I struggled to stay afloat.

Not the easiest of things, I assure you.

My hand phone, was wedged, precariously, between my burning ear, and, aching neck.
The desk phone, screamed loudly....rudely....insistently...for my attention.
And, what was more, the dratted EPSON whats-its-number, stubbornly refused to print, a document, of the utmost importance!!!

I, was having, a rough morning.
I, was hoping, to get to the end of my day, with my sanity intact.
And, my friend, wanted to, of all things, go shopping!
Shoe Shopping!!!

"You want more shoes???" I trilled at her, trying to sound, as incredulous as, was humanly possible. "You have so many of them, that, you can give Imelda Marcos a run for her money"

The skepticism, I confess, was, purely, for effect.
I, was hoping, to get her on the back foot, and, out, of the shopping spree.

However, I, had not, bargained on, the fighting spirit of a woman in love...with shoes!!!

" A woman NEVER gets enough of shoes, my dear" She retorted, rudely nudging me on to my back foot.

My plan, clearly, stood a lesser chance of success, than, of keeping the Easter Bunny from the painted eggs at Easter!

I wasn't entirely sure, if, I liked the subtle implication of her statement.
Was that, a, round about way, of, telling me that, I was not true to my gender?
For, a few boxes of shoes?

" Not, EVERYONE, has a shoe fetish, you know" I protested, thinking of my trusty trio.
The black wedges.
The white mules.
And, then, the rather plain brown sandals, which, puts in an appearance, when, the other two just won't do.

I, do, have a few other boxes of shoes, stashed away in my cupboard.
Not, Manolo Blahniks, or, Jimmy Woos.
Or, even our desi designers, for that matter.
It's footwear that I liked, for a few fleeting hours, and, picked without a second thought.
But, haven't, gotten around to unwrapping.

Do not ask me why?
My trio serve me pretty well, and, I, have had, no just cause, to seek fresher pasteurs.

" Hah, you must be the only woman in this planet who is not interested in shoes. It must be, because ,you don't like your feet"

"No way", I retorted back.

But, my protest seemed, a wee bit feeble, even, to my own ears.
Probably, because, she, did, have a point.

Of all the disproportionate parts on my form - thick lips, thin hair, the legendary Indian thunder thighs, so on and so forth - my feet, take, the cake!.

Truth be told, my feet, could, give Red Riding Hood's big bad wolf, a run for his money.
They, are, giant-sized!
In fact, I, could, even, pass off, as Big Foot's kid sister.
Well, if I had been hirsute enough, that is.

My train of thought came to a screeching halt, as, my friend decided to dangle, what she assumed, would be, the proverbial carrot
" Oh, come with me today. Let's get you a pedicure, and, have those toe nails painted too. I am quite sure, that, will make you want to get some pretty sandals for yourself"

Would it?

I raised my bipeds up for a closer look.
To assess, if the exertions of another, or, the chemicals, that, came out of bottles, could redeem them.

My feet, most definitely, looked neglected.
And, it seemed to me, that, my not-so-white toes, glinted reproachfully at me.

Pangs of guilt shot through me, as I looked down at my long, shapely, manicured hands, which presented a stark contrast to my rough, callused, feet.

The poor orphans, deserved a lot more, than the occasional pedicure!

Walk, before, you run, urged the voices in my head.
Tend to your feet, before, you embark on a shoe shopping spree.

My mind made up, I politely turned down my friend.

That evening, on my way back from work, I hit the cosmetology section of a posh departmental store, with a vengeance.
And, came home, with a basket full of goodies - foot scrubs with AHA, a pumice stone, foot creams for cracked heels and rough skin, essential oils, and, a moisturising foot mousse.

I was pleased with myself, and, called my friend to gloat!

She heard me out, as I, proudly, reeled off my list of goodies.
And, then, when I was done, she asked, not without some bewilderment,

" But, why the foot mousse, and, the creams?"

" Well, the creams I need, to get rid of the cracked heels, and, the rough skin. The foot mousse seemed like a good idea, because, it moisturises the skin"

" If you need more moisture, why, can't you just use your regular moisturiser? Or, the essential oil?"

" Because, neither, HAS, the urea this mousse has. And, the literature said, the urea, in the mousse, gives the feet extra moisture"
I could, barely, keep the exasperation out of my voice, and, was hoping, that, the UREA would seal the discussion.
Once, and, for all.

" UREA????"
" yes, UREA"


But, all, in vain.
For the second time, in the same day, my friend, turned tables, on me, with her " Darling, if you wanted urea, you should have just peed over your feet"

As some smart aleck once said, never, mess with the shoe goddesses, of the world.
They, are, as tough as old boots.
And, you, never know, when, they'll drop the shoe on you!!!

15 comments:

Anonymous said...

Madam,

First of all, I have to tell u that I am not so good at English Language.I read only news articles and I do not know how to express feelings in attractive ways.Normally I do not read stories of the kind that u have posted.But when i started reading it ,it got interesting ...very well .

Ur blog is too gud...thank u


manu15884 at yahoo.co.in
Manu

Rekz said...

Thank you Manu.
I appreciate your dropping by and spending time reading the posts.
BTW, I think you expressed what you had to say well.

Ganga Dhanesh said...

Answer to this one probably comes from the previous post :)

The Mad Alpha Moggie said...

:) :)
Now, Ganga, why wud u say that?

writerzblock said...

LOL! That was a great post, Rekz. Thoroughly enjoyed it! I don't mean to rub it in, but the only think I get freely in my size is my shoes!! Sigh! But that was a fun read. Especially the 'urea' part ;-)

Prasanthi Neeladaran said...

Hi Rekz:

Awesome post. Was so much fun to read...Loved the way you got me to visualize the expressions:)

Keep blogging!

TC

Prasanthi

Phoenixritu said...

I love this. I dont wear heels or hells as I call 'em, but have about 30 pairs of them. Can not resist shoe shopping

The Mad Alpha Moggie said...

Thank you Prasanthi.
:)

Phoenixritu, 30 pairs!!!!
*rolls eyes in mock horror*
:)

The Mad Alpha Moggie said...

Pal, you have no clue just how lucky you are!!!
You have no idea how much of an ordeal shoe shopping is for me - all thanks to my 'yeti' feet...
:( :(

trueblue said...

heheh, nice post !!

You almost sound like Peggy Hill ( from King of the Hill) who claims to wear a size 16 :)

As one of your readers commented, I buy shoes just for the shopping-fun. But my best friend is a trusty pair of sneakers.
-Aswathy

Arch said...

i enjoy shoe shopping too...only i rarely buy anything....but clothes vs shoes, shoes win hands down...after all you can try them on in full public view ;)

shail said...

Hahaha Rekz, no you cannot mess with the Shoe Goddesses I guess! :p ;)

Jayadev said...

Rekz, nice one! Enjoyed it thoroughly.

You women and your shoe fancy! (Eyes wildly rolling in there sockets - Out of control!) I can't understand why you need so many!

But, I won't get into an argument on that. As long as I don't have to shell out for it I can tolerate any kind of madness!

But, I have a bone to pick with you. The term "on the back foot" comes from cricket .. and one is usually forced onto the back foot.. never nudged! Sorry, dear! It's the purist in me forcing you onto the b-f.

You can give me a hiding or send me on a leather hunt for this impropriety!

Put your best foot forward and keep blogging!

The Mad Alpha Moggie said...

:)
Thank you JM.
Lesser, thinner mortals [ like a certain former tutor of mine] are forced on to their back-foot.
The healthier of the species, like myself, can never be forced...Just gently nudged...
:) :)
Sometimes, size does matter...
No matter what the glossary of cricketing terms defines the backfoot as, in the real world, it is subject to the Laws of Matter...

:P :P

The Mad Alpha Moggie said...

Aswathy, Arch, you girls make me feel as if I am an almost extinct species...
I never shop for shoes unless I absolutely have to...and then, I end up buying a couple so that I do not have to shoe shop for ages after..
:)