Monday, October 6, 2008

Here Comes The Cat Girl...

" Ah,here comes the cat girl" chirped the lady at the local dry-cleaners,as she spied me hauling my load of washing up the street. Her breezy introduction was obviously not meant for my ears. But as there isn't much that a kitty ear misses, I was forewarned of an audience within and therefore, forearmed.
It wasn't that I was offended by her description. How could I be, considering that the moggies did not know the name of the lady in question and in private, referred to her as Doggy Auntie or Auntie D on account of the legion of street dogs who walked her home after work each day. However, what I was beginning to take exception to was  Auntie D's habit of introducing me as the cat girl to all and sundry. And even worse, her revelations to the world at large about the on-going power struggle between Ging and me.
For a moment, I stood uncertainly on the street with the sun beating down on my bare head as I contemplated scampering back home. But the sight of Auntie's beaming face at the window and the fact that the shop never seems to be empty decided the case for me. Girding my loins, I whipped on my sunniest smile and sailed forth to face the inevitable...
" Ah, there you are..I saw you coming and was just telling my friends about your cat....And..."
*Yes Auntie D, I know...the wind carries voices you know...*
" ...And how she sleeps on your bed and sheds her hair all over the covers and sheets..."
" Oh, sho schweet"

I couldn't blame the roly poly listener for gushing. I would have if I didn't know any better. Auntie D's description evoked visions of Ging in baby pink with a floral coronet encircling her ears, floating down the aisle scattering rose petals instead of cat hair!!! But all visions of Ging went up in a smoke when Auntie D opened my laundry bag with a flourish.
" See, See....." She was brandishing my pillow case at her captive audience " You can find her cat's hair even on the pillow covers....Just imagine that little mite curling up on a pillow" *Yeah right, like Cleopatra's kitty on her red velvet cushion!!!* "So cute no?"
Maybe, it would help if I tried to look rushed and anxious to leave. And so I busied myself in savagely pulling out the rest of the clothes from the bag. Big Mistake!!! Because out came my skinny blue jeans, a light shawl, a sweater and finally, my best black party jeans...All covered in orange cat hair.... Damn!!!
" Oh look at that.....Are these all your clothes?" * Blank stare at Auntie D*
*Does the lady really think Dsk would fit into them???*
" Is your cat sleeping on your clothes now?...awwwww.....She must love you very much"
* Raised Eyebrows* *Did Attila the Hun ever love anyone?* Auntie D's beady black eyes are now dancing wickedly. My sixth sense tells me that she has scented blood...And the hunt is on!!!
" You mean, she looks for your jeans and sleeps on them?"
* my jeans, my saris, my night shirts & lingerie, my books, CDs and my travel bags......anything which has the Mommy fragrance on it*
" Err, yeah...Ging is kind of partial to my things.."
" It must be your smell that she wants around her all the time...Even though people say that cats are independent, they are also very very loving...Your cat must love you so much"
* blank stare again*
* Too many blank stares....She must think I am a retard..I need to say something -anything- to redeem myself before the audience.*
" If it is the smell, why on earth would she burrow into the freshly laundered clothes in my cupboard, which by the way, only reeks of Tide despite the Dior soaked cotton balls around them?..The only thing that emerges from the cupboard smelling like expensive designer perfume is Ging"
Again, Big Mistake.
* I should have kept my mouth shut instead of blurting out the first thing that came to my mind*
Auntie D and her friends are now guffawing loudly, much to my chagrin.
" Your cat has expensive tastes...." More laughter.
" Maybe she is trying to imitate know like how little girls try to dress up in their mother's heels and pearls..."
" Imitate me? Auntie, I think that is the last thing on Ging's mind...Forget sleeping on my clothes and stealing the Dior fragrance away from my dresses." Unable to restrain myself, I went on much like Jim Carrey in Liar Liar sans the facial contortions
"She shadow boxes my scrunchies, uses my spectacles as her chew toys and treats my flip flops as hockey pucks....She claws my bags, chews my make up brushes and even pokes her spotty nose into my plate at meal times..Nothing of mine, I repeat, nothing, is sacrosanct as far as Ging is concerned!!!"
The Ging Fan Assoc had almost collapsed, weak and helpless with paroxysms of laughter. I have to bite my runaway tongue to stop and not a moment too soon...Anymore words and I would have been officially demoted from the Cat Girl to the Crazy Cat Girl.

Gathering the shreds of my feline dignity, I muttered a hasty good bye and departed without a backward glance at the convulsed ladies on the floor.
Sometimes, it is a dog's life for the poor Alpha Cat. *sigh*


shail said...

Oh you poor cat girl!! *rolling on the floor laughing*

Miaow!!! said...

:) :)
this morning, I found Ging curled up on Dsk's best black suit...
*doing the victory dance*
And he is going to have to take it to the dry cleaners in the city....
Am so loving it....

Roopa said...

you might have more things in common with the Doggie Aunty. Dog aunts and cat girls can go hand in hand :)

Miaow!!! said...

No No No....We Cats...We are gonna whip doggy butt and take over the world....
Watch out for part 2 of Cats & Dogs... :P :P :P
JK...actually Auntie D is cute.....