Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Honey, I've Shrunk My Hormones!!!

A friend of mine asked for help with his dissertation and since the topic was of particular interest to me, I readily agreed. My task was to identify and gather information from suitable respondents.
A piece of cake, I assured him and shot off a dozen odd ' Need An Urgent Favour' emails to friends, colleagues and family. Some responded within the hour. The others demanded compensation in the form of drinks over the weekend....A request I dodged with my usual craftiness.

All was going well. But when I took stock at lunch time, I realised that I had missed Pras - a trusted friend and a highly eligible candidate. So I shot off an email post-haste, followed by a sms for extra effect.
Sau sal jiyo [ may you live for 100 years]....I was just going through your mail...came the reply
But I don't want to live to a 100, I protested... 50 will do very well or even lesser, so that I can beat menopause.
I expected a sarcastic quip in response, but Pras being Pras, was a step ahead.
A truly understandable reason....Have you heard of Andropause?
Work screeched to a grinding halt as I racked my brains. Somewhere in the dark recesses of my mind, a little goblin plucked out a nugget of information and gingerly offered it for approval.
The male equivalent of Menopause? I enquired tentatively
BINGO!!! beeped the message of approval
I stared at the screen bemusedly. Now, men had menopause?? What next? Periods??
Despite my outrage, my interest was piqued. Since time immemorial, Periods, Pregnancy, Menopause and all its attendant discomforts had been the exclusive domain of the fairer sex. Could the laws of nature be slowly but surely changing? And what could the male menopause experience be like, I wondered out aloud.
But instead of possibilities, images of the mature but still virile Al Pacino of 'The Scent of A Woman' & 'Devil's Advocate' fame flooded my mind. *sigh*

I shook my head clear and restarted my train of thought. This time, up popped a picture of the brooding Amitabh Bachan hankering after the young, nubile Jia Khan in Nishabhd. Isn't he the chappie who romanced the much younger Tabu in Cheeni Kum? whispered the goblin miner in my head. Yes indeed he was!!!.
It seemed that my little data miner had struck a mother lode, because names from the real world flew thick and fast at me....Rod Stewart, Mickey Rooney, Chevy Chase, Charlie Chaplin, Billy Bob Thornton and the leader of the pack, the Mormon Brigham Young...All prime examples of hale, hearty and testosterone rich fossils.
In the face of such overwhelming evidence as well as the fact that I had, all through my life, been surrounded by red blooded alpha males, the very idea of any man struggling in the throes of menopause seemed laughable.
That would have probably been the end of my musing, had not the voices in my head cried out loud "But What If???".... What if the goblin's examples were exceptions than the rule?..What if the average man was indeed prone to Andropause? ....Imagine the chaos if all the men in my life and I went menopausal at about the same time!!!
The thought sobered me...And I decided to fall back on my trusted friend, Google.
An hour later, I was convinced that testosterone levels did drop with age and that andropausal men were susceptible to osteoporosis, lethargy, mood swings and increased cardiac risks. However, while andropause did deserve a place under the sun, it most definitely did not merit a comparison to menopause.... Maybe P.M.S, but not menopause .
As I eagerly composed my opinions into a message for Pras, a familiar voice whispered quietly in my ear..."What about Michael Jackson?"...
*baffled stare at the goblin*
" What about him???.....Hey, hang on....You mean, he could have been born Andropausal???'
Now, that is a thought worth examining......


Ganga Dhanesh said...

Interesting...and i loved the little goblin :)

Miaow!!! said...

he he he.....yeah, the little guy is cute...and most helpful!!!